Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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