Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize