Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
