I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
