Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
