I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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