Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
