well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
