Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
there was a trapeze. enough said
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
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