So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
