Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
