is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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