cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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