I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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