I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she told me i tasted like america
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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