Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry JenifferLamont hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(917): View more from New York City

My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.

Fav 13 2602 1379
share tweet
(631): View more from New York

she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?

(516): View more from New York

nope.

Fav 21 1598 4687
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(917): View more from New York City

The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.

Fav 3 3164 1043
share tweet
(410): View more from Maryland

it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral

Fav 2 1002 2585
share tweet
(519): View more from Ontario

Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?

Fav 36 7019 1161
share tweet
(785): View more from Kansas

He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far

Fav 8 1022 1541
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(250): View more from British Columbia

i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was

(1-250): View more from British Columbia

Thats why they were on the balcony!

Fav 0 1769 693
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(715): View more from Wisconsin

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK

Fav 2 150 222
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(850): View more from Florida

He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want

Fav 0 22 46
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT