what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
please don't ironically join a cult
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