Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
