did you get engaged???
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
