Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
