why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
