It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
