she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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