Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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