Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
