Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
