I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize