I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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