if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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