Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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