There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
