My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
