Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize