just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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