So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We need to get me chipped asap
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
