my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize