finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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