Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
