A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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