When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
