Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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