i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
