you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
