So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
