I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
