She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
