She announced her abortion via fbk
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
