The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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