I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
