Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
