Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
