i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
No subtext here. People are naked.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
