Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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