it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's never too late to be topless.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize