The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
