you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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