Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
