i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
