OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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