i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
