Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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