I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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