You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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