Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
