i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
