i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
