mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
