he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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