Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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