would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize