Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My ass is underappreciated
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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