3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
