Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
