Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
