Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
