I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
