I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
