I CAN MOONWALK!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i think my cat just said my name.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
