I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
smell my finger.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
