My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
