i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
