We need to rekindle our bromance
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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