I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You're completely useless in the revolution.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
