My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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