I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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